On Saturday evening we all gathered to celebrate my Father-in-laws 80th Birthday. It was a surprise party, and, he had absolutely no idea that anything had been organised. Family members arrived early to set things up, tables, balloons, decorations, food and DJ and to make sure everything was ready for Ray to turn up.
His entrance was worth all of the effort! He came into the room and immediately, backed out thinking he’d gate crashed someone else’s party. With a strong hand in his back, he entered to cheers, followed by everyone singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him. He was so emotional, as were many others, and he was shocked to see people he hadn’t seen for years.
It showed me how easy it is to just get on with life and, sometimes forget to connect on a regular basis, with certain people, family and friends. Ray came from a big family and, although not a million miles away from each other, it has been tough to keep in touch with everyone. His childhood was one of a split family, foster homes and social services and quite a lot of forgotten, hidden or buried memories.
The joy and laughter, tears and hugs were evident that this was a mixed experience but with a positive feel to it. My wife, and her 3 sisters, put this all together and wrestled with different ideas of how to make this special and not too overwhelming for Ray and, I think they hit the spot!
We partied on for a while, the drinks flowed, the dancing followed. Catch up conversations were happening everywhere, promises of future get togethers were sealed ‘in blood’ – soon to be forgotten after a good nights sleep!
Some people stayed at the hotel so we joined each other, at breakfast, for a final feed, chat and more promises, and then we parted ways.
This was something that Ray did not want. He wanted to hit 80 years and have a couple of pints with a couple of mates at his local pub. It would have been so easy to give him his wish and not bother organising anything, but, he would have missed out! I was the same about my 60th and ended up having a nice evening after my family arranged a party.
So my learning from this experience is: If someone is heading towards a ‘special’ birthday
- Ignore their wishes (Unless they really don’t need to meet people!)
- Plan it with a group of people and agree tasks / responsibilities
- Use tech to help engage or involve people, even if they can’t attend
- Share costs 😁
- Always show photos of memories, either using a monitor or even physical photos
This could have been Ray’s last chance to see some of these people and I am so pleased his sister (86) was there – the last time they got together was about 5 years ago. The next 5 years will go so fast and the reasons to meet will, probably, change!
Celebrate every day, connect purposefully and, if you have a special birthday coming up, just say “Yes” and enjoy the moment when everyone sings Happy Birthday!