Last week Sandra and I went on a short break to Spain. We were in two minds as to whether we should go, as one of our foster kids had decided to ‘play up’. We discussed things with Social services and we all agreed it would be ok to carry on with our plans. So, off we went!The weather was lacking in heat, and a shining sun, so we didn’t lie on the beach getting tanned, relaxing and decompressing, instead, we visited local attractions and enjoyed ‘just being there’. Unfortunately, the problems at home continued and our young man remained ‘missing’ – not returning home.We had calls from the police, social services and had to coordinate things at home with Jack (Our Son) who was the ‘responsible adult’ for the week. The lad in question, did text to say he was fine, but didn’t give details of location or who he was with, so the services continued to follow their missing persons policies and procedures. (Time consuming and costly).This, as you can imagine, played on our minds. Our conversations revolved around our missing lad. Is he safe? Is someone forcing him to text us? Why would he chose to stay away? What have we done wrong for him to do this? Should we have stayed at home?Well, we might as well stayed at home, this was not a relaxing time away! We looked at getting an earlier flight home, but our social worker insisted we stay put and let them do their jobs. I repeatedly said to Sandra “We have done everything we can” but that didn’t stop the worry and concern.
The thing about having a group of professionals supporting you is that, you know they will do what they need to do. I have 100% confidence that they have control, of everything they can control and we would not have added any value by storming home and ‘ruffling’ feathers to find this young person.
We all understand the concept of the model in the picture above, but it doesn’t stop the concerns still being concerns! We still worry, even though we know we have done everything we can do, and, this is especially true when it involves the people around you.
We got home on Friday and there was still no sign of our missing ‘cherub’. We only texts saying he would be home that night, but alas, another no show. Jack relaxed and we took over the responsibilities, which felt better for us that we were close by and ‘in charge’ again, although it didn’t change the outcome 🤔.
Eventually, last night, our wondering nomad returned. Not much was said, he went to bed and we will have some conversations today!
There are so many things in life that you can’t control (like the weather in Spain!) and you have to make decisions, choices and get on with things, but it does, sometimes, still play on your mind and affect your day. The skill is to minimise that effect and get on with stuff you can impact.
- Are you spending time worrying about things out of your control?
- What impact is that having?
- How can you minimise that impact?
My lesson from last week is: Make sure to book somewhere hot and sunny – guaranteed! If we’d have had sunshine, it would have made a difference, and that choice was in my control! 😎