Just when you think you’ve ‘nailed it’ the wheels fall off. We have had two weeks of being messed about, having police visits and chasing our tails, with one of the foster kids. Just when things were heading in the right direction, he decided to take 20 steps backwards.
Needless to say, we do expect some bumps in the road, but not as many as we’ve had recently. I have to admit, when the pressure builds, it can impact how Sandra and I are together. There have been a few arguments, that normally don’t happen, and we’ve had disagreements about how to handle some situations and it’s not felt great!
Our main aim is to keep people safe and help them to be independent, but sometimes, it’s out of our control. We have processes and procedures to follow, so we do what is required, but it feels rubbish that, no matter what we’ve said or how we’ve been, someone still goes out of their way to follow the wrong path.
Those of you that have your own children will know that, sometimes, they make stupid choices (as did we) and we have to mop up the mess, it’s what we do, but there comes a time when they have to learn their own lessons. They have to realise there are consequences, to each action, and they won’t be able to hide behind us forever, they have to grow up.
It is, however, energy sapping. I feel knackered every day, just thinking about things. How do I handle this? What should I do? What will produce the best outcome for us all? What haven’t we tried before?
I have tried banging my head against the wall, or so it seems, and that just hurts more.The problem is, it affects my focus on other things such as other family members, work, my gym attendance and many other things. So, I have to make sure this is managed well and, as you will all know, if you have something that keeps knocking you off track, this is tough to get right.
Something has to give and it’s a difficult choice as to what that is. I am normally fairly good at spinning plates but when one plate gets heavier and slows down quickly, you have to be nimble and quick to prevent it dropping. Unfortunately, sometimes, the motivation to spin the plate can wain and the question appears “Why are we doing this?” and “Let’s agree to move on and concentrate on other things”
This is where we are today . I’ve suggested a meeting, once Sandra comes home, to discuss ‘all things future focussed’. What needs to change, what support is required, where he could move to, who we need to speak to and, ultimately, an exit plan!
We won’t fall out with him and we will stay in touch and we look forward to the conversation, in about 6 months time, where he says “Thank you for all you did”. “I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but I do now”.
This means that the past year has not been a waste of time, we had a positive impact and made a difference to another person.
Time to celebrate, re-energise, repair and then maybe, just maybe, go again.
“When the student is ready, the teacher arrives” Our student has outgrown our lessons and needs a new teacher.
For us to remain resilient, sane and married, we have to know when to lose a battle.