Last week I caught one of the foster kids stealing. After installing a sneaky internal camera, I caught the culprit, red handed. I had a feeling that there was some movement in the kitchen downstairs after we had gone to bed, for the past few weeks, so I set up a small camera and hid it in a half empty Ritz box, left over from Christmas. (Other brands are available)
When I woke one morning and went into the kitchen, everything looked as it should do, so I didn’t look at the recorded footage straight away. Then when my Daughter came to make a coffee she said “Who ate the last piece of chocolate cake?” Now I was interested in the footage!
I went on my phone, on to the app, and there it was, all the evidence I needed to confirm the sneaky theft. With knowledge comes power and so I asked everyone (individually) if they had taken the last piece of cake (Even though I knew the answer) and EVERYONE denied it. I must admit I was so disappointed that the person did not own up or feel comfortable enough to own up. After all, it’s just a piece of cake!
I even threatened to get my mate down the road, who is in forensics, to come and finger print the cake stand and knife (He doesn’t exist, by the way) but still no-one confessed.
The young lad, in question, is 17 and has only been with us for 5 months, but I was hoping he would feel more comfortable to put his hand up and say “It was me, I was starving and couldn’t resist it!” as, I think, my kids would.
My dilemma, was, did I tell him I knew it was him and ‘call him out’ or do I let it go and just reinforce some basic rules again?
I decided to do the latter. I got everyone in the front room and just reinforced some basic standards and rules. I talked about respecting other people’s property, including food, and left it there. Everyone nodded said okay and we carried on with our day with no dramas or falling outs, no finger pointing and no angry words.
Since that talk, nothing has gone missing in the kitchen and, trust me, I have laid out some tempting chocolate bars and leftover sweets from Christmas, and they are still there. The strategy has worked, so far!
I know, for a fact, that my kids have done the same and taken stuff and then denied it, all kids do at some time. If I had made the decision to show the ‘chocolate cake thief’ the evidence, I would have proved a point but might not have taught a lesson. So, the camera has been removed, now I know who was visiting the kitchen after bed time, and we have a new set of rules to follow.
If it had been one of my kids, I would have showed them the footage and told them not to do it again, but that’s because we have a stronger bond and it would have been delivered and taken in the right way. We would have laughed about it but, at the same time, the point would have been made.
I hope the camera will not have to be used again but I have it ready to go if things start to go missing again, although, sometimes knowledge is not power, it’s just disappointing knowledge. Possibly knowing something that you don’t want to know.
This experience has made me realise that I have some work to do to build the relationship with this lad. We are in the early stages so a bit of patience is required, after all, I have been teaching my kids lessons for between 15 and 32 years now so 5 months is just the beginning of a potential rollercoaster ride.
Breathe, relax and think before you act. It has taken me so long to learn that lesson, and I still get it wrong at times, but this time it helped me make the right decision.
We did laugh at the footage, it was funny to see the effort made to be quiet and not be caught. I remember doing something similar when I was living with my Mum and Dad, but the technology wasn’t around to catch me out, fortunately!