After 4 years of living with us, one of our foster kids is moving on. It is a sad time but mixed with the joy of success. He is getting his own flat and now is an independent adult. We will, of course, keep in touch and offer him ongoing support and guidance – this not the end but a new beginning.
Our next addition will be joining us today and so the cycle begins again. Getting to know each other, agreeing rules and standards, identifying ‘no negotiation’ areas and understanding what input is required. Our aim is to offer support, care and a sense of ‘normality’ which leads to another success, 4 years from now.
We have been carers for over 10 years now and had a variety of young adults living with us. They have all presented us with challenges, laughter, fun, tears and arguments and we have always given them 100% of our efforts. Some of them have ended in success and some have not been as successful, but we have always dealt with each person fairly, equally and with understanding.
Our own kids have experienced the ups and downs and, hopefully, had some ‘enhanced’ life lessons as a result. It has tested us as a family, divided us at times but has made us stronger as a unit. Personally, it has grown me as a human being and, I hope, made me a better person for the experience.
One thing that jumps out at me is that all of the young adults has needed a specific approach but they also required a foundation of ‘how things are here’. We wanted to make sure we protected our own children and, our values needed to come through loud and clear, we had to be true to ourselves.
There have been many times when we have been challenged and tested. Things like honesty, integrity and respect were clearly not high on the list, for some, and that meant we had to understand but also make sure we imposed the premise that ‘here’ we do things in a certain way. Often, the main thing that was required was a clear set of boundaries to follow which we all discussed and agreed on.
As you will know, in most relationships at home or at work, problems occur when people do not do what they say they are going to do or when the rules are not followed.
So this week is going to be spent on making a young lad feel welcome and help him to settle in to his new home as quickly as possible. We will chat about his plans and what he wants from us whilst he is here. We will agree the rules and go from there.
I am sure we will bang heads from time to time but I am certain that we will be able to help him reach his goals and, eventually, create the future he wants. No matter what happens, our plan is for him to leave here in a better place than when he arrived.
We are beginning another journey, let’s hope the bumps in the road are small ones!
Enjoy your week, I hope the challenges you face give you reward and satisfaction.