Spending time with friends and family can be a challenge. It takes organising and squeezing into a schedule that is already packed. It can mean putting something else off or making compromises with other planned activities, but, It is worth the effort.
I have recently taken the time to meet up with people and it has been refreshing and so much fun. Talking about ‘old times’ and remembering events from the past. The stories are getting better each time we tell them and we laugh like we always do. It makes me realise I should do it more often.
I ‘should’ is a great example of no commitment in the language we use and it normally means “I should but I won’t” We use it to distract others and to avoid having to do something.
Here are a few examples:
- I should go to the gym
- I should eat better
- I should take time out to relax
- I should drink less
- I should make the effort
Have you ever used any of these? I know I have!
An easy thing to do is to change the narrative from should to ‘will’
- I will go to the gym
- I will eat better
- I will take time out to relax
- I will drink less
- I will make the effort
If you start using ‘will’ instead of ‘should’ it doesn’t automatically mean it will happen but it is the first step to making changes. I used to say, to my wife, that we should have short breaks away to spent time together but for years we didn’t do it and then I said “Let’s book a few breaks away together this year” and guess what – they are booked!
When I coach people one of the main things I listen out for is the language used when talking about doing things or changing things. It gives me immediate feedback on a persons intent and allows me to challenge it, just by changing a few words.
This week, listen to the things people say and see if you notice when there is avoidance, lack of motivation or commitment when people say things. It is also good to listen to your own, internal voice, and challenge it if there are too many “Ifs, buts or Maybes” in your language.
Have a great week and just do it, whatever that is….