Finally, the weather was pleasant to do our normal Saturday ride without having to put massive layers on. I hadn’t been out for a while so was a bit apprehensive, as the distance is never published, so you could be joining a 100, 70 or 40 mile ride.
As we got into the swing of things we started to go up a small hill, so I changed gears, only to feel my cable snap! I was now in the highest gear with only the front cogs to play around with, so effectively the 2 highest gears. After some discussion, I opted to carry on with the ride and would make a decision when we got to a certain point, as to which route I ended up on.
One route went on a fairly flat ride back to the ferry and the other went over some hills back to the ferry. When we got to the split I was trying to decide if I should give the hill a go, and push through it, or go on the flat route. In my head I was thinking that I might slow the group down and have to walk up the hill if my legs ‘blew out’. My mate said “You’ll be fine” so I agreed to do the hilly route, but then one of the experienced riders said “You will never get up the hill in that gear” so I started to question myself and thought about taking the easier route.
A couple of the guys messed about with my broken cable and managed to fix the gears into a slightly lower gear so I decided to listen to my mate, and go for it.
When we got to the hill – it wasn’t that bad, I shouldn’t have doubted myself.
That made me think how easy it is to influence someone. My mate gave me confidence and one of the others riders made me doubt myself, just by something they said. In a split second I could have made the choice not to try something and would have missed out on the longer, more exciting ride.
Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been around people who really believe in you and challenge you to be the best you can? How did that impact you?
On the other hand, have you ever had people who didn’t believe in you? Maybe they made you question yourself, question your ability and damaged your confidence. What impact did that have?
I have experienced, over the years, a difference in attitude with our foster children but one thing has been constant – they always doubt their ability to be successful. This gives us the biggest challenge as it leads to ‘interesting’ behaviours. They need encouragement, support and challenge to give things a try. They need small successes to build their confidence, and, when things don’t go to plan, they need refocussing and reassurance to get them back on track.
I know this is a normal strategy, that you have probably experienced yourself as a child, but these ‘young adults’ come to us at 16 – 18 years of age having never really experienced positive encouragement and guidance, so the challenge is not about ability it is all about confidence and embracing failure as a learning experience. If I had found the hill tough, I could have just told the group to carry on and I’d have met them at the ferry – no big deal!
Do you create the right environment to build confidence for yourself and others? What impact are you having on the people around you? Does the voice, inside your head, say encouraging things or does it sew the seeds of doubt?
One more question:
Would you have encouraged me to do the hill, or not?