Sometimes I’m not sure we know the impact of small gestures, acts or words can have on others. A polite gesture to let someone go first, opening a door for someone or complimenting a person, can change their day.
Making people feel good should come naturally and, I’d imagine, it does for most people. We can, however, sometimes forget to behave in that way or say the right thing which can have the opposite affect.
I noticed, last week, that a surprise visit to my Mum’s, for an hour, probably had more of a positive impact than the planned dinner together on a previous occasion. The surprise, and welcome intrusion, made her smile and feel important – because it was unexpected.
I did go out of my way to rearrange things and I am so glad I did as it made me feel better because of her response. I felt good because my Mum felt good.
Isn’t that often the way? When you have a positive impact on someone else it makes you feel better, so everyone wins.
The opposite is also true and, although this would probably be denied by some, if you are nasty to someone else, you end up feeling bad.
I remember hearing my Dad say “This hurts me more that you” when he was telling me off and punishing me. I didn’t believe him at the time and had to experience the same situation with my children, before I truly understood.
With a busy life, like most of you, I know I can become numb to the things that people do for me and can forget to say thank you. That is more obvious at home where I tend to look at things that are out of place and jobs that have not been completed – it’s easy to comment on them!
In studies, completed by Dr John Gottman on feedback and relationships, he suggests that successful relationships use the ratio of 5:1 when it comes to motivational feedback vs developmental feedback, whereas, most people use the ratio the wrong way around…..
This week I am going to focus on all the things that have been done and share that with who ever is responsible. I’m going to ‘catch people doing things right’ and see what impact that has.
What is the ratio like for you at work and at home – how does it feel? Now turn the mirror around, “What impact are you having?”