I was delivering a couple of workshops for a client, last week, around Communication and Influence. The material included having quality conversations and dealing with potential conflict.
The group in the morning seemed to enjoy the session so I was looking forward to the second session for the group after lunch.
On returning, post lunch, I set up the slides again and waited for the group to appear. Suddenly there were raised voices and a few expletives being thrown about.
I realised that it was one of my delegates shouting and a couple of minutes later he appeared in the room. He didn’t look too happy so I just started as normal and got on with the session. As we started to discuss conflict and how to deal with it, I couldn’t help but reference the outburst from earlier.
This could go one of 2 ways, and had some risk attached, but in my mind it was perfect – a real life example from 45 minutes ago that we all witnessed!
Fortunately he smiled and, after I asked his permission, we ran the situation through our process and then discussed how he was going to deal with it. Talking it through, you could tell that he was still angry and his preferred way would be to ‘fight’ and certainly not ‘flight’. As we discussed, his emotions, he became more and more aware of how he could potentially damage his career unless he dealt with things in a rational, adult manner.
It’s amazing that, by talking things through and having time to vent, can help to put things into perspective. We don’t always have the time and space to think everything through, especially with the ‘in the moment’ situations. We do, however, have the chance to plan and prepare for conversations that could possibly include some conflict.
In the business world, we have appraisals, performance reviews, quarterly ‘chats’ that can be potentially emotional. These can, sometimes, surface differing opinions and it’s better to plan rather than react on the spot.
My delegate is still employed, so I trust he dealt with things in the right way!
What conversations are you putting off having? Are there any conversations that you’ve already had that you wish you’d done differently?
Here are 4 things to consider if you have a difficult conversation coming up:
- State – What frame of mind are you in? How do you feel and how can you ‘let go’ in order to have a rational conversation?
- Safe – How can you open up the conversation in a safe manner, without pressing any ’emotional buttons”.
- Surface – What is their story? How do they see things?
- Share – Explain your side of things and look for a solution together.
Families are a rich source of interesting conversations that potentially can blow up and destroy relationships. If it’s worth remaining ‘friends’ it’s worth having a conversation, but plan it well, and in advance.