Finally after 10 months of waiting, I got the chance to meet my Sister face-to-face and confront her about some ‘feedback’ she gave me last November.
Even though she had upset me with her words, we still maintained a polite relationship, for my Mum’s sake.
Having said that I had kept the feedback and had reviewed it so that I could rehearse and plan my approach when I saw her.
My Mum had gone out to her activity club so I thought my Sister would be home alone. I got in the car and drove over, talking to myself on the way. “What if she did this or said that, and what if this happened?”
When I got there, no-one was in. I felt disappointed, but also relieved, so I left a note for her saying that I had popped in and it would be good to catch up for a chat.
Later that day, I got a text inviting me over for a coffee. Off I went again, going through the same process as before. I noticed my heart rate was slightly elevated so I was feeling quite anxious about this conversation and possible confrontation. Knowing my Sister, she would go into ‘fight’ mode and things could get worse.
I pulled up in the driveway and my Mum and Sister were doing some gardening and saw me arriving. “Here we go!”
I gave my Mum hug and she went in to make a coffee – to give us space!
To my surprise, my Sister hugged me and didn’t let go. Nothing was said, but everything was said. It didn’t go anything like I thought it would! Before you know it, it was over, we could now get on with things as normal.
I had waited 10 months to be able to deal with this as I thought a face-to-face meeting would be better. Maybe if I’d picked up the phone or used Skype we could have sorted this out a long time ago. I had built this up in my head every time I reviewed her words. I was prepared to never speak to my Sister ever again.
How crazy is that? How often to we build things up so they eventually become debilitating and nothing good comes from it. The conversations I have wasted about this and time I have spent reflecting on why ‘she did it’ I realise was me just putting things off from dealing with it.
Relationships take a lot of effort and don’t always go smoothly (especially with family) but, if it’s worth saving, then sometimes a confrontation is what is required. I could have written this relationship off and lost a Sister.
How about you? Have you ever written off a relationship because the potential conflict might be tough?
I won’t do that again….lesson learnt!
Time to pick up the phone?