As much as I truly believe that potential is endless in people, and we can always be even better, there must be a certain amount of personal desire to release it.
I have had foster children living with us for 7 years now and have always believed that they can change, do the right things and function in a ‘normal’ family environment. (I appreciate my normal might not be exactly the same as yours, but, I am sure, there is a massive overlap!)
With child number 6 now reaching his first year with us, and coming up to his 19th birthday, I was slowly reaching a point where my faith in his potential was dwindling.
Anyone that, knows me well, will realise and understand that I do not give up on people easily and allow them multiple chances to learn and develop.
After all, that is what we would do for our own children, right? I have been there, supported and advised him. Sat down and spent time to understand his plans, desires, wants and needs. We have great conversations, agree things and then he goes and does the opposite to what we have agreed!
So we do it all again, make plans, agree actions. He does the right thing for 2 days and then off track again. I have tried and tried to get through to him but it seems that nothing is helping – no change.
I sat down with my wife to discuss his future and how I was feeling about things, as it had been taking it’s toll on our relationship and the stress was starting to show. She said “You are being too soft with him. You need to agree the rules and stick to them and if he doesn’t follow them, there needs to be some consequences”
So, I had a chat with him and said that we are at a point where things need to change and if they don’t then some of the benefits, he currently has, will not be available. I told him that, until I see changes, we will not be going out of our way to help him as we have done. I must admit, he wasn’t pleased and couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t let him use my phone, iPad or computer any more. I refused to let him borrow my bike and didn’t offer him lifts as I would normally. Simple things, I know, but things he had started taking for granted and actually helped him.
Guess what? Within 2 days he started to change! He cleaned his room, washed his clothes and began to get involved with our activities. He showed an interest in what we were doing and joined in with things our children did.
What a difference!
So, just as I was about to give up, and after talking things through with my wife, I decided to try something different – it worked!
Have you ever got to the point where you thought someone hasn’t got the potential to do well, change or improve? It’s easy to write them off (Stop watering the plant) but sometimes we need to look in the mirror and reflect on what impact we are having to influence the result.
I still believe that everyone has the potential to be better and do better. The skill is finding the right buttons to press to release it…
Do you have someone in your company that you want to write off? What things could you do differently?