As parents, I think, all we want is for our kids is to grow up, be good people and to find their own way to success. I know, for sure, we have tried our best to ensure all of our children know right from wrong and good from bad and that the choices they make will impact their results.
Cloe (23) and Jack (22) are well on their way to independence and building their skills, knowledge and careers. Eddie (17) is still at college and is searching for his path forward, not too sure as to what that will be, but, at least he is looking at options. I must say, I’m quite pleased with the results from our children.
There have been moments where the dilemma raises the “What if” questions and we wobble between “Let them make their own mistakes” and “No, don’t do that”. We have constantly negotiated between risk and reward with letting go of the rope or taking the stabilisers off. We have made a few mistakes, but, fortunately nothing drastic has happened.
When I run leadership courses or talk to people about managing teams, I often use examples from my home life and my parenting experiences. We are all after the same thing, good behaviour, reliability, independence, high performance, loyalty and engagement. The words we use at work will differ and sound more ‘corporate’ but ultimately we are chasing the same result.
How we do it at home also differs, we may physically hug our children at home and metaphorically hug people at work. We might shout and point our fingers at the kids but have a challenging conversation at work. It’s all done to help someone become better.
The thing is, we don’t get a manual when we have kids and we have to find our way to get the best from them. There are, however, loads of books on management and leadership which cover some principles that can be adapted for the home. The recognition that we are all different and need different things from the people around us, is a common theme, but there are generic things that work with all human beings.
Here are a few things that spring to mind:
- Show them you care
- Role model the behaviours you want to see
- Support new ways
- Value them and listen to them
- Encourage effort, not always the result
- Make space for mistakes and learning
- Catch them doing things right
If you look at the list above and rate yourself out of 10 for each, what score would you give yourself? What could you do more of?
A shorter MM this week as I am distracted with the England vs. Iran game on tv ????
They just scored – maybe the impossible is possible!